have i become a really lame person?

i haven't gone out at all this weekend, but it's not like i've been studying hardcore either... yesterday morning was actually pretty miserable - i had a nice little cry (or a bad little cry) because i was overwhelmed and my studying list was really scary. but i pulled myself together, grabbed some books & notes, and went to school for a while. then i came home for dinner and studied for a couple hours here. this morning we went to church; just got back a little while ago. i have lots more to do, of course. but i'm looking at photos that some 2nd years posted on facebook: somebody's house party, people in cute clothes, then people on the subway, then at a club that's obviously in new york.. stuff like that. and it made me feel both kinda lame but also kinda above all that, too. it's weird. i really enjoy hanging out with people, talking, laughing, yadda yadda. but i also don't like the really fake feeling of going out sometimes. don't get me wrong, i think it's fine to go out just to go out, to get out of your routine, that's all good times. it's more that whole thing of convincing yourselves that a place is cool just because you're drinking, or because it's crowded or, even worse, because it's "in the city." i keep going back and forth on this... i miss new york, a lot, but mainly because there were about a million different things you could do there, and you could go to a place with whatever style or mood you wanted. i have enjoyed going out here, but only when it was with good people, and only when we actually went somewhere fun (e.g. the dinner at evelyn's + dancing at club night). the house parties bore the hell out of me, with their beer pong and flip cup and shit. i'd much rather go listen to some cool music and/or go dancing. the problem with that, though, is that it takes so much effort: dressing up, getting someone to drive... and taking multiple trains to the city? forget it - i did that enough this past year, it takes forever. the house parties are much more low-maintenance, but they're not even worth the trouble of leaving the house. so we're left with... uh, nothing. because i'm not into suburban beer fun, and i'm too tired to actually go somewhere cool. nice work, lame-o med student rula... i think i'll just go out to eat instead. food is better than alcohol. :)

in other news - this week is going to be more of the same awesome boring-ness, but it's because i'm saving up: i'm flying to pittsburgh on friday for a long weekend with andrew. two of his best friends are getting married (yup, to each other) and then we're going to visit his family and check out the folkfest.

and all the studying will be completely worth it...